


The Things That Scare Us

by IllegalCerebral



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Dogs, F/M, Heartbreak, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Prison, Prison, Season/Series 12, Tumblr Prompt, poor communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-05 02:37:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14034318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral
Summary: For a tumblr writing challenge, the prompt was "Reader or Character overhears the other one confessing feelings for them". As you and the BAU desperately try to get Spencer out of prison you find yourself inadvertently revealing long hidden feelings. The fallout from that revelation is only the first in a long line of challenges for you, Spencer and the team.





	1. Chapter 1

You struggled to keep up with Emily’s strides as she made her way purposefully to the interview room. The guard leading the way - Wilkins? You hadn’t really been listening - kept glancing back at the two of you periodically.

“Something we can help you with officer?” asked Emily, her voice laced with acid. The man squirmed under her gaze before pushing the door open.

“We don’t usually do this for anyone” he mumbled as you and Emily slipped inside “Lawyers only”

“I am a lawyer” you snapped hotly “And this is federal case that we need to interview Agent Reid for so you need to bring him to us now”

The guard’s eyes narrowed.

“ _Prisoner_  Reid is in the laundry at the moment. It’s the other side of the compound. Make yourselves comfortable.”

He slammed the door behind him, making your teeth rattle in your skull. White hot rage coursed through you.

“I’m not sure how much more of this I can take” sighed Emily, sitting down in one of the rickety chairs “Fiona seems to think that the trial will be soon but…”

“This is how it goes” you explained “It’s part of why I gave up law and joined the FBI, I figured it would be a faster pace”

“And now you’re back doing this” said Emily “It must be tough”

You gave a small shrug, unable to meet her eyes. As a defence attorney you helped innocent people, people who ere in the wrong place at the wrong time and people who had gotten in over their heads and made sure you saved them from the worst of a sometimes unjust system. It had been rewarding but also draining and you had jumped at the chance to retrain. It was like being born again but when Reid got into trouble in Mexico you had jumped at the chance to use your background to help him. While team worked cases and hunted for Scratch you had worked on the legal side of things, helping Fiona and trying to build a case against Peter Lewis. It was still draining, there were a lot of tears and sleepless nights but nothing was going to stop you.

“You really care about him don’t you?” asked Emily, softly. You finally looked at her.

“We all do”

“Not in that way” Emily countered “I’m not trying to embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable. I noticed it before I left for London, the way you looked at him. Even the way you spoke to him was different from everyone else and then when I came back it was stronger than ever.”

You sighed. It had been years of the two of you dancing around each other, feeling this pull between the two of you go stronger and yet neither of you wanted to act on it. There had been moments when you’d come close: after you had both had too much to drink at JJ’s wedding, sharing a room on a case, a kiss that hadn’t felt as platonic as usual, an embrace that lasted too long. You couldn’t speak for Spencer but you were afraid, afraid it would ruin what you had, afraid it would make him see you in a different way, afraid it wouldn’t work. Now you were afraid that if you didn’t get him out Spencer was going to die in prison and you were going to lose him forever.

“What if I hurt him?” you asked.

“I think things like this make you realise what’s important” said Emily “Is he important to you?”

“Spencer’s the most important person in the world to me” you said just as the door opened. It made you jump and the heat rose in your cheeks.

“Twenty minutes” the guard bellowed before slamming the door behind him. Spencer looked terrible, a mass of fresh bruises on his face and neck and an almost wild look in his eyes. You reached out and he flinched, your hand dropping limply to your side.

“We may have a lead on Scratch” began Emily but Spencer cut her off.

“I told you guys no visitors” he said.

“Tough” you said, taking a tentative step towards him. He didn’t move and you felt the tiniest feeling of relief, like a flicker of light in a dark room. “We’re here to help you. Whether you like it or not.”

“I heard what you said” said Spencer softly. You swallowed, staring down at your hands and you entwined your fingers to stop them shaking.

“It’s true” you admitted “You’re my best friend. More than that, you’re the person I would fight to the death for. Nothing is going to stop me from trying to get you out.” You took a deep breath. “I love you.”

When you glanced back up your heart sank. You had never seen him look so mad your life.

“How stupid can you be?” he snapped “You’re telling me this now?”

Spencer turned and pounded on the door, yelling for the guard despite you and Emily begging him to stop. The guard materialised again, shooting the two of you a look as he led Spencer away.

“I’m so sorry” said Emily “You know his head is in a bad place right now. Oh sweetie he didn’t mean it.” Emily gathered you in her arms as you sobbed into her shoulder. 

“He hates me”

“No he doesn’t, he’s just scared” said Emily, squeezing you tight.

But so were you, you were terrified and you felt like it was ever going to end.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana goes missing

Months passed and Spencer refused to see you. Specifically you at first and then all of a sudden he started refusing visits from everyone. Tara was only able to get in because the prison was under the impression she was his doctor. Even JJ was turned away.

You tried not to take it personally. Key word tried. You carried on working with Fiona as well as helping the team juggle their caseload. All you saw of Spencer was what was in Fiona’s case files. It wasn’t nearly enough but you pushed your own pain aside, Spencer’s safety was all you cared about.

Then the world seemed to come crashing down. 

Diana was gone. Reid was frantic and it seemed like things couldn’t get any worse.

“Reid stabbed himself” Penelope was white as a sheet and seemed to be swaying where she stood in her bat cave. You didn’t blame her, it felt like you were living in some horrifying parallel universe where everything was back to front.

“I’m sorry what?” 

“Reid. Stabbed. Himself” she repeated “He needed to get put in solitary, apparently that guy Shaw is after him and I told Emily and she was just all…we haven’t been able to find anything connecting Scratch to Lindsey and Diana is out there somewhere. Oh God Y/N this is it isn’t it?”

“No” you said firmly, grasping her shoulders with both your hands “This isn’t it. We’re going to find something. Look at me”

Her eye snapped up from where they had been fixed on the floor.

“I promise you we are going to get Reid out”

Even as the words fell from your lips the doubt was gnawing at your guts but you pushed it back down to the deep, dark place where your unrequited feelings were being smothered. Neither of them were useful now.

“Let’s get to work” you said and you walked with her back to the others.

* * *

 

“Thank you” said Penelope as the two of you waited outside of the prison for Luke and JJ to bring Spencer out.

“It took all of us” you said quietly. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the doorway but at the same time you didn’t want to face him. You let out a long sigh.

“No I mean for keeping the faith when I thought everything was beyond hope” said Penelope.

“We all wavered at one point or another during this whole thing” you said with a shrug “I just want to get Diana back and finish this.”

“You never wavered” Penelope pointed out “Not once”

You didn’t answer and Penelope was about to speak again when she was stopped by Spencer hurrying out, followed by Luke and JJ. Penelope pulled him into her arms and you felt the weight that had being bearing down on you ease by a fraction.

Spencer released her after a moment and wiped the tears away with the heel of his hand before he turned to you. At the same time he moved forwards you took the slightest step back. You didn’t even know why, it was an entirely involuntary movement that you regretted the instant your foot moved.

Several emotions at once flashed across Spencer’s face.

_How stupid can you be?_

“Let’s go get your Mom” you said. He nodded and you all headed back to the SUVs, psyching yourself up for the next battle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a one shot for a writing challenge and now it's a seven part series. Usually I would post this in sync with my tumblr where it's being published weekly but I'm uploading it all at once to see if it makes a difference regarding feedback.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the SUV crash

_“You want me to admit that I am actually in love with you.”_

Everything hurt. Actually that was an understatement, pain you could manage but this? This was a throbbing agony, it felt as if the gaps between your very cells were filled with fire, as if every nerve in your body was exposed. There was  noise in the distance: the beep of a machine, whispers, frantic footsteps. A familiar voice cut through the hum. You couldn’t open your eyes but you strained to listen.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Luke. That was Luke’s voice, low and soothing.

“She’s stable for now but she suffered a lot of damage in the crash. She’s lucky she made it to the hospital”

“We can’t stay” said Luke “But if anything changes you call us okay?”

“Of course.”

Crash. Crash? The SUV. Scratch. 

You wanted to wake up, to claw your way out of the fog to go and help your team but you felt like you were locked inside your own body unable to move.

“We’ll be here when you wake up” another familiar voice, closer, as if they were leaning over you.

_“It should be mine. I wish it were mine”_

_“We deserve each other”_

Spencer.

How was it possible for something to be so comforting and so painful at the same time? You were desperate to move despite the pain but you felt yourself slipping further and further away.

* * *

 

_“You want to me to admit that I’m actually in love with you”_

_“How stupid can you be?”_

_“It should be mine. I wish it were mine”_

_“We deserve each other”_

You kept replaying the conversation in your head. You knew it was an act as you and JJ co-ordinated with Garcia back at Quantico to get the whole sick show on tape for Lindsey. It still hurt though.

_“How stupid can you be?”_

“Are you...?” you hadn’t even been able to finish the question as the three of you headed back to Quantico once confirmation of Diana’s safety had come through. Spencer couldn’t look at you. You turned back to the road, feeling the chasm between the two of you growing with each passing moment. Spencer’s fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles were white the whole ride back. 

_“How stupid can you be?”_

* * *

 

Later, a long long time later, the pain had eased slightly. It no longer felt you were being torn apart at a molecular level but you were still very much feeling how you would expect to after being hit by a truck. Your main aim now was to open your eyes but it took about three tries before you managed it.

Everything was white at first but slowly a hospital room came into focus. A nurse was taking readings, when she saw you were awake she smiled at you.

“Take it easy now” she said “You were in a bad accident. Your team have been taking turns sitting with you.” You eyes flicked over to Luke, dozing in an uncomfortable looking chair. You tried to suppress the disappointment you felt that it wasn’t Spencer there but then again he should be with his mother at the FBI safe house.

But he had been there. You’d heard him hadn’t you?

Luke awoke at the sound of the nurse’s voice and awkwardly ambled to your bedside. To say he looked awful would be an understatement.

“Hey” he said hoarsely “You had us worried there for a moment.” There was something behind his smile that sent a spasm of panic through.

“What...happened?” you rasped when you could finally talk.

“It’s not important now-” Luke began.

“What. Happened?”

Luke paused before taking a deep breath and reaching for your hand...

Stephen dead. Emily kidnapped. Scratch dead. The world had been knocked off it’s axis and you had slept through the whole thing. You wanted to scream but you barely had the energy to keep your eyes open through Luke’s story.

“Spencer?” you asked.

“Probably back with his mother now it’s all over. He helped with Scratch but honestly he’s on the edge. That’s not for you to worry about now though right? You need to concentrate on getting better. I’m going to let everyone know how you’re doing and you should rest up because they’re all gonna want to see you.”

You settled back down, closing your eyes as Luke left to inform the team. It was all too much to bear and the one person you were desperate to see more than anyone else wasn’t there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long road to recovery is ahead of you

It was three weeks before you were allowed to leave the hospital and even then you were under strict instructions not to over exert yourself. Luke picked you up and drove you home, filling you in on how he had spent the first half of six weeks mandatory leave. 

“So basically you’ve been hanging out with your dog?” you snorted then immediately regretted it as pain spasmed in your neck and abdomen.

“Roxy is the best company in the world” boasted Luke “She’s a good listener, she never judges and she has great taste in TV shows.”

You rolled your eyes so hard they were in danger of popping out of your head.

“I hope everyone else has been using their time more wisely” you snorted as Luke stopped the car outside your house. Before your had a chance to move his seat belt was unbuckled and he was jogging round to your side, pulling open the door. 

“Such a gentleman”

“My mother raised me right” grinned Luke, “Do you need to lean on my arm?”

“I should be able to make it. Could you grab my bag though?”

The entire way up to the front door Luke looked like he was on alert, waiting for you to tire or stumble. You wondered if he would swoop in and catch you in his arms like a fairytale. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought.

“What?” asked Luke as you unlocked the door.

“You fussing like a mother hen” you said “It’s actually quite sweet.”

“I’m a sweet guy” Luke laughed.

“How about a drink as a thank you?” you asked. Garcia had stocked your fridge the day before and she had promised you a bottle of wine would be chilling waiting for you.

“You don’t need to thank me. We’re a team. I’d never say no to a drink though.”

As you sipped you carried on chatting. You liked Luke, he was easy to talk to and under that tough, ex-army exterior was someone who really cared about people.

“I wanna ask you something but I don’t wanna upset you” said Luke, slowly.

“Uh-oh” you said, refilling both your glasses.

“About Reid”

You froze for the briefest of moments before pushing the glass towards Luke.

“Are you two...?” he gestured loosely.

“Are we what?”

“I got this...vibe from the two of you before he went to prison. You were a thing but you weren’t a thing. I thought maybe it was casual at first-”

“I didn’t realise we were the cause of so much speculation?” you said, your voice clipped. You suppressed the anger that flared up. In an awkward way Luke was trying to help.

“I’m not trying to be rude” said Luke gently.

You were silent for a long time, swirling the wine around the glass, watching the light catch in the pale liquid. 

“I guess you could say we were almost a couple” you said eventually “Not flirty in the way that Morgan and Garcia were and there was never anything physical between us.” Except for that one time but you weren’t going to tell Luke that. “It couldn’t have been a casual thing, neither of us go for that, it would have to be a proper relationship. For some reason though it never happened. For a while we were both with other people. You know about Maeve right?”

Luke nodded. JJ had filled both him and Tara in on that.

“I was in a relationship for about four years” you said, pausing to drain your glass. You needed some liquid courage “I figured nothing was ever going to happen between us so I met someone then Spencer met someone, then he lost her and... it was confusing...”

“You helped him right? After Maeve died?” asked Luke “So you got closer but then there’s all these conflicting feelings about how there’s a chance for you to be together but you felt guilty over Maeve?”

“Right in one” you said “I came home from a case one day and my boyfriend’s stuff had gone and he left a note saying that I was obvious I wanted to be with Spencer. It had been two years since Maeve died at that point. He’d..recovered, enough I think.”

“So why aren’t you together?”asked Luke. Your eyes were beginning to sting and all you wanted was for Luke to leave so you could collapse into bed and feel sorry for yourself. You took a deep breath.

“Honestly I don’t think it was meant to be. He overheard me talking to Emily in prison about how he is the most important person in my life and he got so mad when I told him I... we haven’t been able to look at each other since” 

“It was a stressful situation-”

“I know, believe me I do” you sighed “I just... I never wanted things to change because we were together and they have even though we’re not. So much has happened and we’ve lost so much, all of us have, and I can’t lose him too”

“I know it seems hopeless now” said Luke, his voice gentle “But we’re coming out of the darkness, it’s going to take time for everyone to heal but we’ll get there and then you and Reid can talk about this.”

“You make it sound so simple” you laughed

“It’s not simple. I’m going to let you get some rest and tomorrow I’m gonna bring Roxy round because she is the cure for everything. I swear after five minutes you’re going to love her”

You seriously doubted that but finally relented as you waved Luke off before turning back to an empty house filled with nothing but your own thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Luke grow closer

“Luke...no” you shook your head, the tears of laughter finally subsiding.

“You know what? I can’t believe I’m saying this but Newbie...” Garcia took a deep breath for dramatic effect “may actually...be right...about this. And this alone, I should qualify.”

“Not you too!” you threw up your hands “I’m getting it on all sides”

“Why are so reluctant?” asked Luke.

“Why do you think every problem in the world can be solved by getting a dog?” you shot back.

“Because it can” said Garcia and Luke in unison. You shook your head again. This was a battle you were destined to lose.

A few desks away Spencer was pretending to concentrate on his paperwork but he’d read the same sentence about ten times, unable to pull his attention away from the conversation the three of you were having. 

_“How stupid can you get?”_

Spencer gritted his teeth, forcing himself to ignore how Luke had just playfully slung an arm around your shoulders as he listed all of the reasons dogs were good for your physical and emotional health.

It had alarmed him when he had found out that you and Luke had spent nearly every day of your leave together once you were out of hospital. Sometimes the others had been there but often it had been just the two of you and the visceral reaction it provoked in Spencer when he found out had shaken him. Between taking down Cat and going after Scratch he hadn’t had a moment to collect his thoughts and despite the fact he knew how unhealthy it was he had tried to keep that going to avoid thinking about anything. He took his mother back to Vegas and spent every waking moment formulating a plan for her care and making sure she was well looked after and then when he was back he had practically lived at the shooting range when he wasn’t preparing his statements for the review board.

You laughed again, bringing Spencer’s attention back to you. Luke’s arm still around your shoulders as he and Garcia continued trying to win you over. You weren’t putting up much of a fight. It hurt to see you happy and then it hurt that Spencer would begrudge you that after what you had been through. What kind of person would say the things he had said to you and then want you to be as miserable as he felt?

_“How stupid can you get?”_

Spencer hated himself for that but he hated himself more for avoiding you ever since. He didn’t know what to say. You were the most important person in his life too, for the longest time he’s wanted to hear you say that and when you did he’d thrown it back in your face.

“Fine”

A cheer erupted from Luke and Garcia as they finally ground you down.

“We could all go and help you pick out a puppy!” said Luke “I know a guy and we can get all the stuff you’ll need too”

“Can we go tonight after work?” asked Garcia excitedly “Please, please, please!”

“Sure why not?” you said with a shrug.

“Reid you in?” called Luke, making Spencer jump. Honestly he had thought none of you had noticed him there.

“Um...”

“Please say yes!” begged Garcia. Spencer looked at you but your gaze had dropped to the floor and the smile had slipped from your face. It sent a pang through Spencer’s chest - he’d done that. He was so absorbed in that he missed Luke’s gaze flicking between the two of you.

“We’re taking that as a yes” Luke announced “Plus we need someone to go over statistics of different breeds, dietary requirements, the whole thing”

“Sure” said Spencer lamely as everyone headed back to their desks and you still refused to meet his eyes.

If Spencer could go back to any moment in time it would be the day after the case where he and Emily had gone undercover to investigate Benjamin Cyrus’ cult. You had driven him home from Quantico and on the doorstep of his apartment the two of you had paused to say goodnight but instead you had kissed him.

Not a gentle, peck on the cheek. Not the kiss of a friend comforting a friend after a narrow escape. It was full on the mouth, your entire body pressed against his, parted lips and a sigh that was almost a moan. He had kissed you back, slightly bemused and still still riding high on the adrenaline from the case. When you’d broken the kiss you’d remained close, still flush against him.

“I’m so glad you’re safe” you had murmured, lips almost brushing his again “I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.”

And he’d responded with...nothing. Maybe a mumbled thanks but that was it. The next day it was as if it had never happened and the two of you had just got on with things, that kiss being the only physical or romantic moment of your relationship.  If Spencer could go back to any moment in time he would go back to that doorstep and never let you leave.

But he couldn’t. He had missed his chance then and he had missed it again now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke confronts you about the elephant in the room

“Your ancestors were wolves” you said exasperatedly “You are an apex predator, honed by nature and millennia of evolution to be a fearsome hunter”

Pepper paused in her efforts to capture her own tail and bounded over you at the sound of your voice.

“She has a little bit of growing to do before she reaches the fearsome hunter stage” laughed Luke “German Shepherds are incredibly loyal though and very intelligent.”

“You don’t need to sell her to me anymore” you laughed as the puppy clambered into your lap for a cuddle. It had only been a week or so since you had first brought home the ball of fluff but you were head over heels. Begrudgingly you’d had to admit that Luke had been right. Not that he was ever going to let you forget that.

“I’m glad you like her” said Luke.

She had been far and away the dog you had connected with most, once you’d met her you weren’t going to leave with anyone else. That hadn’t stopped you or the rest of the team spending the best part of three hours playing with the other dogs there. Garcia, Tara and Matt had even signed up to do some volunteering the next weekend they weren’t on a case. Only Spencer had hung back, standing to the side and looking like he was trying to disappear in the wall. 

Pepper was having none of it, she’d scurried off of your lap and padded over to push her nose into his pocket.

“There’s no food in there” he’d yelped, causing you stifle a giggle. At that he’d glanced up at you and you could have sworn a look or relief or hope had crossed his face. Spencer patted the top of Pepper’s head awkwardly.

“Good dog?” Pepper licked his hand in response before scurrying back to you.

“I think you have a fan Spence” you said, a teasing note in your voice. Spencer had smiled at that, the first genuine smile in your direction in weeks and you’d felt the blush creep up your face, unaware that everyone else had clocked the whole exchange.

Since then there had been a slight easing of the tension between the two of you. You had even had a few conversations. It wasn’t anything more than small talk really but it felt so good just to be near him again. Maybe in time your friendship could get back to normal..

“You okay?” Luke’s voice pulled you out of your reverie. You gave him a small smile.

“Getting there” you said. Pepper wriggled in your arms so you let her scamper off to explore. Luke sighed.

“I’m still worried about you” he said.

“Don’t be” you said firmly “I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

Luke rolled his eyes.

“That’s not what i mean and you know it”

“Luke, please just leave it.”

At the slightly desperate look on your face Luke did drop it but he knew that things had been hard for you since the accident. He said his goodbyes and left you trying to wrangle Pepper into eating something when all she wanted to do was play.

After you walked her the two of you collapsed on the sofa, flicking through the channels until you found a cheesy movie you didn’t have to pay a lot of attention to. You didn’t even realise you had fallen asleep until the sound of your doorbell caused Pepper to leap off of you and charge towards the door. You had to scoop her up and shoo her away before you opened the door.

“Sorry I had to-”

You stopped abruptly when you saw who it was.

“I know it’s late” began Spencer “But I really need to talk to you”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second confession

You let Spencer in. What else were you supposed to do?

As he sat down in your living room, Pepper leapt up on the sofa next to him, practically trying to climb on top of him.

“She’s… friendly” said Spencer, scratching her behind the ears. It calmed Pepper down enough to lay her head on his leg and finally settle down.

“Yeah she is”

There was an awkward silence. Sure the two of you had been friendlier the past couple of weeks but nothing like you were before and not friendly enough to be hanging out at each other’s houses like old times. You allowed yourself to look at him for the first time in a while, to really take in how he’d changed but how he was still the same. The feelings hadn’t gone away, the desire, the need was still there but you were also desperate to soothe the wounds that prison and his mother’s abduction had caused. 

It struck you that what you wanted more than anything else in that moment was to see him smile, his old smile, the one that had lit up his whole face. 

Pepper yawned, her eyelids dropping as Spencer continued to pet her. He was so gentle with her.

“If she falls asleep on you I’m afraid you’re here for the long haul, she won’t let you move” you said, sitting on the other side of Spencer.

He turned you and you were acutely aware of how close he was. Part of you wanted to move away but you couldn’t make yourself. All of your energy was focused on maintaining eye contact and not letting your gaze drop to his lips.

“I needed to come over” Spencer half-whispered “I needed to tell you how sorry I am.”

“For what?”

“For what I said in the prison” said Spencer, closing his eyes “ ‘How stupid can you get?’ Not a day has gone by since that I haven’t replayed that moment and wished I said something, anything else?”

“It was a high stress situation” you began but Spencer cut you off.

“You mean more to me than anyone else and I owe you so much, for me to turn around and throw all that back in your face was wrong and I wish I could make it up to you”

“I mean more to you than anyone else?” you asked slowly “As a friend?”

Spencer opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. 

“Is that what you want?” he asked slowly. God you wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake him, why couldn’t he just say what he meant?

“I want…I want to go back to the way we were but I know we can’t. I miss you being the person I told everything to, I miss you being the person I most looked forward to seeing each day. I miss being able to sit with you and not have to say anything, we could just be there, together” you said finally.

Spencer’s hand still on Pepper’s head, much to the puppy’s annoyance. She got up and pawed at Spencer’s shirt, trying to regain his attention. You pulled her into your arms, allowing her to nuzzle into you as you stroked her head. Her warmth and the rhythm of her breathing was the only think keeping you calm right now.

“You have Luke” said Spencer “You two have gotten pretty close”

Was that a hint of jealousy in his voice or fear?

“Luke is a good friend” you said “He was kind when I was in the hospital. He visited me more than anyone else. He understood what an accident like that can do to a person and he was a massive help.”

“I wanted to help” said Spencer ruefully before shaking his head “That’s petty of me. It’s good he helped you and it’s good he makes you happy. That’s all I want for you.”

“Spencer, you’ve been through a lot. The whole team has. I knew you had to take care of your Mom and you needed to heal after prison. I don’t blame you for not being there.”

“We don’t exist in isolation though do we? Your problems didn’t go away because I had problems of my own. My feelings for you didn’t change when I went to prison and I had no right to dismiss yours” said Spencer, slumping back on the sofa. 

My feelings for you.

“I think we’ve spent the last few years making things unnecessarily hard for ourselves” you said, placing Pepper gently down on the floor before reaching for Spencer’s hand and gently drawing him towards you.

“I keep thinking about you taking me home after the Benjamin Cyrus case. You kissed me on my doorstep” said Spencer “I wish I’d said something then. Before you met your boyfriend, before things got stupid and complicated and before-”

“Forget all that” you said firmly “Tell me now”

For a moment Spencer said nothing and you relaxed your hold on his hand. This was it. If he eft now if was over and he would always be beyond your reach.

“I love you” he said finally, fear and longing heavy in his voice.

“I love you too” 

He pulled you close in one fluid movement, burying his face in your hair and wrapping his arms around you. Things were still going to be hard but it felt much better to be at the start of a new journey than stuck on the side of a road going nowhere.

“We don’t have to rush anything” said Spencer, pulling away enough to look at you but still hold you, “I want you to feels safe and comfortable”

“I always feel safe with you” you smiled “I’m not scared anymore”

“Me neither” smiled Spencer, pulling you close again.

THE END


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